The English language in the EU

Having chosen english as the preferred language in the EU, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency and integration in communications between Government departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessary difficult – for example, cough, plough, rough, through, and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of change to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.

In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using ‘s’ instead of a soft ‘c’. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would reseive the news with joy. Then the hard ‘c’ would be replased by ‘k’ sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.

There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it was anounsed that the troublesome ‘ph’ would henseforth be written as ‘f’.

This would make words like ‘fotograf’ twenty per sent shorter in print. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage where some komplikated shanges are possible.

Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.

We would al agre that the horrible mes of silent ‘e’s in the languag is disgrasful. Therfor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptiv to steps sutsh as replasing ‘th’ by ‘z’. Perhaps zen ze funktion of ‘w’ kould be taken on by ‘v’ vitsh is, after al half a ‘w’. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary ‘o’ kuld be dropd from words kontaining ‘ou’. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of de guvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.

Original auther: Unknown